Well, i donno if anyone wants to read this cause everyone ever does or cares, i really just need to write this. (And yeah my english is awful but fuck it).
Ok, so..i’m so tired of everything. I’m so tired of trying, believing, being sad, crying myself to sleep, being awake every single night when the nightmares don’t live me alone. And the worst part is that i can’t even say anything to anybody. They are all tired of me. Tired of the pathetic little girl who’s problems aren’t relevant enought to them.
And maybe, they are really not that bad. Cause just one person knows how it is, just one fucked up person is living all that, just one single heart is getting more broken everyday. I’m so fucking sad and i’m alone.
I feel empty. But happily i don’t cut anymore (for a week i guess), cause i cant hide them. Almost a month ago it was so violent and i slept all night with much more pain that i have alrady felt. My scars will fade away but never disapear. And i won’t wake up being another person. I wont ever wake up being beautiful, inteligent, fun or nice. Nobody will never aprove me. The stupid guy i like will never see me the way i wanted him to see me.
You know, sometimes i sit here and see instagram’s accounts from the girls that guys likes. The “hotties”, right? Its so unfair. They just born that way. Theey have beeautiful skin, hair, face. They have that hateful sculptural bodies that the guys like. They are so dumb, they are just projects from the stupid society that we live on. They are jusst what people want to see. They don’t ant sad, skinny, unperfect girls. They want (now im talking about the boys) a girl who will letbthem do and will do whateveer they want. Theey want girls with huge boobs and idiot smiles and fat asses for them to put theiir hands on. They want easy girls who doesnt think for themselves.
I was neeveer happy. Boys are always makking fun of me since i remeember. Girls were more cruel. But now all the bitches are fake and we can call eachother frieends, right?
“Hey take this role of paper so you can full up your bra” “what happened to you when you were born? Did someone shit on you?” “Whats the deal with your huge forehead? And what about your ears? Are you going to fly or smething?” And thaats what i have been listening to since 7th grade.
I know my parents arent proud of me. My mom doesnt care if i hate myself and she doesnt support any prooject i have to go to the gym and gain some weightt. She doesnt care when. I say i hate mt hair. She doesnt help me with anything. She thinks of me as a slut because of some conversattions that i had wih this guys when i was trying to feel better about myself.; i often see this girls whos parents are so proud of them caus they had a beautiful daughter thaat everybody likes. This girls who just date handsome guys cause theyy are full of this guys around them. When i just dated pathetic guys who werent even a lil cute.
Cause i just deserve thatt. Shhit peoople just deserve shit and shit life. And when i try to be more like thiss girls i stop and think for awhile. Cause i cannt stand the idea of the only possibility of other peoople liking me is to become the kind of girls i hate. Its to become dumb and easy..and what the fuck im saying. No one ever tries to do anything..and when someone decent tries and do something, i always get hurt. And i donno what to say anymore. Im crying so hard that i cant even read what im writing. Im sorry if im awful at english and if i write as bad as fuck. And thanks if u read it or what eveer.
The text was about not being good enought. As always, the worst fear we have. And people dont help us, they just scare uss more.